Mondays Suck
by addicted-to-romione-bedward
Summary: When Autocorrect takes over, a nervous Jasper finds himself at the mercy of a playful Edward as they figure out just how flexible he can be. Drabble War DYAC Challenge. Prompts #5 and #26. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Twilight. I'm just playing with the boys. :)**

**Many thanks to everyone who helped me with this little drabble (TexasBella, JA Mash, Lolo and TwiLighT7242).  
**

**Check the groups (Drabble War Forum and my group: Addicted-to-romione-bedward Fanfiction) on FB for the banner and to check the other stories for this prompt.  
**

**I used two prompts. Enjoy! I'll update every couple hours...two chapters. I think. It's a short one.**

**Jasper's text messages are in Bold. Edward's are in Bold and Italic.  
**

* * *

I'm a nervous wreck as I wait outside the CEO's office.

It's my first interview ever, and I think I'm going to be sick because there are at least a dozen other candidates waiting to be questioned.

I pull out my phone to send a text.

**Babe, I'm dying here…**

I press send, realizing too late that it's not the best way to wake up my boyfriend right now.

Surprisingly, he sends me a prompt reply

_**What? Are you hurt?**_

**I'm nervous as fuck! I should have listened to you and worn the ducking tie!**

_**Not the tie with the ducks! *snorts***_

I check my previous text and cringe. Way too fucking early to mess with me, Autocorrect.

**I hope this thing!**

I press send and glare at what I just wrote.

*****HATE!**

_**You're too funny, Jazz.**_

**FUCK off, Edwin!**

"Oh, for fuck's sake," I mutter under my breath.

**Edward. I meant, Edward. Sorry, babe! Forgive me?**

I know he praises his name. And starting a Monday being called names isn't the best thing.

I wait anxiously for his reply, growing more nervous by each passing minute.

He hates me. He's going to break up with me.

_Fuck you, iPhone! Fuck you to the deepest pits of Hell!_

_**Jeez, love… Way to insult me. *smirk***_

**So am I forgiven?**

I'm momentarily distracted when the CEO's door opens, and a short, black-haired girl rushes out of there in tears.

I gulp thickly and close my eyes. _I can do this._

* * *

**Hoping oyu enjoyed this...stay tuned.**_  
_


	2. Chapter 2

The chime from my phone snaps me out of it.

_**You'll have to grave.**_

I stare at Edward's text.

**Don't kill me!**

This funny discussion – funny, due to autocorrect – takes my mind off of where I am.

_**Growl.**_

_**Grovel!**_

I snicker under my breath, hitting reply quickly.

**Thanks for easing my nerves. **

_**This shit is eating my brain cells!**_

**Still, my nerves are leaving me.**

_**What do you usually do when you're nervous?**_

I stare at his text, unsure of how to answer.

_What do I do?_

I remember Mama slapping my hands for cracking my wrists and biting my nails.

I still don't have much of my nails. Poor little fuckers.

**Well, I crack my knuckles and used to bite my balls but not anymore**

My eyes widen, and I choke on my spit, when I see what I just wrote.

**Ooops! I meant my nails. HAHAHA**

_**Bwahhahahaa**_

_**Must be painful, but beyond hilarious!**_

I roll my eyes.

Trust Edward to be immature.

But I'm just as immature as he is.

**Wow! Imagine I could do that!**

_**I will NEVER let you live that one down**_

**I figured as much**

_**Unless…**_


	3. Chapter 3

Unless what?

I'm so screwed.

Another person leaves the CEO's office, but that's no longer making me nervous.

Edward's idea, though…that's another story.

**Babe?**

_**If you can bite your balls…can you suck your cock too?**_

I feared he's going to say that.

**Never tried to do it. I have you to satisfy me.**

_**When you get home…**_

_Oh, shit!_

"Whitlock!" a high pitched voice calls my name.

I scramble up, dropping all the stuff from my lap in the process.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"You're next!" The middle age woman jerks her thumb over her shoulder.

I nod, then gather up my things, and send Edward another quick text.

**Gun goo! Lick you!**

The person before me leaves the office, and I pocket my phone as I enter the 'Lion's Cage'.


	4. Chapter 4

I start to tremble like Jell-O when I close the door behind me.

"Good morning, Mr. Whitlock!" the CEO greets me. "Please, have a seat." He gestures to the chair across from him.

"G-g'morning, sir," I stutter.

Fuck.

This isn't going to go well.

He looks over my resume and asks a few questions to which I answer with difficulty. Why? 'Cause I can't form a single coherent thought in my head. And it's not helping me that my phone's vibrating near my cock!

I start screaming inside my head.

_What the fuck do you want, Edward? You know how important this is to me!_

Though I keep a smile on my face while answering the man's questions, in the inside, I'm dying. My dick's fucking hard because of the stupid phone!

"You're highly qualified for what we need. We'll get back to you with a phone call by the end of this week," the managertells me.

"Thank you, sir." I nod.

We shake hands, secretly thankful for the desk between us. As soon as I drop his hand, I quickly turn around so he can't see the bulge in my slacks.

"Oh, Mr. Whitlock!"

Crap.

I just turn my head around, hoping I'm not coming off as rude.

"We have a policy about clothing. We prefer ties."

I nod. "It won't happen again," I blurt out and dash out of his office.

I'm so not getting this job. Well, not in this lifetime.


	5. Chapter 5

Once I'm outside the building, I grab my phone.

I have three unread text messages and five missed calls from Edward.

Someone better be dying!

I opt to simply call him without reading his texts.

"Are you fucking crazy?" I shout. "I told you that I have to go! That meant…_inside_!"

"Jazz, I'm still dabbing my tears," Edward answers seriously.

"Did someone die?" I ask, suddenly feeling bad.

"Your text, love! Did you read your last text?" He snickers.

"I wrote 'gotta go. Love you.' Why?"

I'm confused.

What could be so funny?

Unless…

Autocorrect kicked in and messed it up.

"Please hang up, read the text, then call me back."

Curiosity killed the cat.

I hang up, but not read the text until I'm safely in the bus that will take me home to my man.

My sent text said: "Gun goo! Lick you!"

Oh my God!

I laugh to myself, making everyone stare at me.

I tug the collar of my shirt up over my mouth, trying to chuckle as mutely as I can manage.

I type out: **Oh, I'm gonna lick you when I get home. It's a promise. **And send it quickly.

_**Waiting for you to show me your ball biting and cock sucking skills.**_

**A professional never shares secrets! **I respond while getting off the bus.

_**I'm not nearly as flexible as you…**_

I stumble over my feet.

Does he really want me to try that?

**Are you serious?**

_**Nope, sorry. Not related to any Harry Potter characters.**_

I scrunch my eyebrows and stare at the text in confusion, not understanding the joke quickly. How in hell did our topic move to Harry Potter? I didn't mention any-

"Oh," I mumble flatly, finally realizing what he's talking about. Seriously? You have gotta be kidding me.

**Fucker!**

_**You know it's funny!**_

**Entered the bullying XD**

Dammit, another one!

*****building… **

_**I'm the one naked on the bed ;)**_

Fucking tease.


	6. Chapter 6

In my haste, I drop the keys twice before finally getting the door unlocked.

I lock it after me and start kicking my clothes off, so I'm already naked by the time I reach our bedroom.

"Well, well, well!" I drawl as I find Edward on top of the bed, surrounded by various sex toys, lube, and condoms.

He pats the spot on the bed next to him. "We're having a party!"

I jump next to him and smash my lips on his. His hands claw at my hair as his hips buck up.

I just had him last night, but I already need to be back inside him.

"Wanna try something?" I wonder, nodding to the toys next to us.

"I had an idea…but you biting your balls distracted me." He smirks, winking.

"You really want that shit? I'm not flexible, babe," I retort.

"You can try. But don't bite 'em. Suck 'em. For me." His huge, green eyes are pleading with me.

"I don't even know how to stay to be able to reach my cock. Edward, this is insane. If I end up in the hospital, _you _get explain to the doctor why my spine is broken in half!"

"Done!" He beams and pushes me on my back. Then he proceeds to raise my legs, bending them at my knees and pushing them close to my face. "Tell me if it hurts."

I nod and look surprised at my knees that almost rest on either side of my head. With a little help from Edward and two pillows under my back, the head of my cock is dangerously close to my lips.

"Lean your head forward," he instructs from above me. "Fuck, you can do it!"

I put my tongue out, and as my eyes bearing into his, I lick a bead of pre-cum.

Holy fucking shit.

This is hot.

I shift closer and wrap my lips around the bulbous head.

Edward moans loudly; I feel his hands on my ass.

He rarely tops me, preferring to receive, but apparently this has flipped a switch in him. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him in me.

"I was preparing for you," he almost pouts, "but we can work with this too."

With a wink, he pours lube over my crack.


	7. Chapter 7

One of his long fingers circles my hole then dips into the first knuckle.

"More!" I beg, licking at my pre-cum.

All thanks to Edward's skilled finger, my cock hardens and lengthens further, helping me reach it better.

"Fuck, baby! Can I snap a picture?"

I nearly bite the head of my dick off.

"Please?" he begs.

"Just for us," I plead with him.

"Of course."

Once he takes several pictures, I lean my head back, giving my neck a little rest while he preps me.

Two long fingers are scissoring inside me, pressing into my gland, making my head spin.

"Please, please, please!"

I'm a mess.

"Soon," he promises and inserts another finger.

He's trying to kill me!

When I'm sure I can't take any more teasing, I hear him tearing a foil.

I'll never understand him.

I'm allowed to bareback him, but he can't do the same for me. That crazy boy.

I feel his tip at my entrance, teasing me some more.

"Suck, baby, suck," he whispers, gripping my thighs.

I lean for my cock as he slides inside me.


	8. Chapter 8

His weight on top of mine bends me further.

Holy smokes!

I'm over the mushroom head. My tongue's touching my dick, and, gosh, I know I'm going to cum soon.

Edward picks up the pace, slamming into me, moaning and cursing.

His hand seeks something on the bed. When he finally finds whatever he was looking for, he shows it to me.

It is a small remote.

My eyes bug out.

He's wearing that plug – the vibrating one.

Edward smirks and pushes the last button.

He sinks deeper inside me and I can feel the vibrations.

We moan together.

He bends his head and licks my sac.

Fuuuck.

I'm dying.

But what a pleasurable way to go.

"You can't, but I can," he murmurs, sucking one ball in his mouth.

They're so tight, ready to explode any moment.

"Keep sucking," Edward encourages me.

His teeth graze my left nut, and I shout his name as I convulse, the first ripples of my orgasm running through me.


	9. Chapter 9

I want to tell him not to bite me, but the words are stuck in my throat.

His movements begin to speed up, his dick almost vibrating as he drills me.

His tongue licks my balls again then he catches the skin there between his teeth.

And I'm gone.

My body arches as much as possible in this position.

I think I take him with me as my ass muscles clamp around him.

I think he's yelling my name.

I know I'm yelling his along with a string of profanities.

My cock empties on my lips, and Edward moves one hand to milk me.

I feel dazed as he leaves my body, and untangles my limbs.

I come around to Edward, kissing my face and stroking my hair.

"Holy shit, baby!"

I grin and cup his cheek. "Ditto!"

He's lying next to me, his head turned to me, a huge smile on his face.

"So, how did the interview go?" he wonders.

"I sucked."

"You did suck." His smile widens.

"I was rubbish," I correct myself. "I was a mass of nerves, my brain was turned to mush, my phone was vibrating against my dick. It was awesome!" I grumble sarcastically.

"Ouch. Poor baby." He kisses my lips.

"What did you have in mind before I mentioned my apparent ball-biting skills?" I laugh.

"Oh, it involved me getting my ass drilled against the headboard."

"I'm a very good boyfriend." I wink and roll him on his back. "We'll change your scenario a little. I'll pound you into the mattress. Do you have any objections?"

"Wear that plug, baby. It feels so fucking good."

"You got it." I slap his ass then grab the plug he used and rush to the bathroom to clean it.


	10. Chapter 10

It's Wednesday today, which means it's Edward's interview day.

And I repay him, deliberately sending him the wrong text.

Since his interview is scheduled at three in the afternoon, I can mess with him.

We've been texting for the better part of the past half hour and my fingers are hurting.

**I need anal!**

I press send and wait. And wait... and wait.

_**Was that AC tucking around?**_

I snort in laughter.

_**FUCKING… .**_

**Oh, shit! I meant a nap!**

I'm laughing so hard that there are already tears spilling from my eyes.

After browsing the Internet for the funniest DYAC, I found that one. It worked miracles.

_**Are you sure, Jazz? I can give you anal. ;)**_

**Waiting for you to give a mammal.**

**Now…THAT was AC.**

_**I have to go in…and I'm dying here a little. Can't stop laughing, baby.**_

**Good fuck!**

**Luck…you got it…**

Fucking phone. I'll win the war one day. Just sit and watch.

* * *

**Again...Many thanks to everyone who helped me with this little drabble (TexasBella, JA Mash, Lolo and TwiLighT7242).  
**

**Check the groups (Drabble War Forum and my group: Addicted-to-romione-bedward Fanfiction) on FB for the banner and to check the other stories for this prompt.  
**

**I hope you enjoyed my short first drabble. :)  
**


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